Those Bewitching Boots
by pinksharpie
Summary: Four best buds are sucked into POTC through a chain of unsual and unexplained events. Watch as they create pandemonium and show Jack the true meaning of MIGRAINE...
1. The Carnival

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own POTC characters or dialogue, so don't sue!**

Chapter 1: The Carnival

"Ugh, this is impossible," I groan to know one in particular, my fingers intwined into Laura's golden brown hair.

"It's called braiding hair, not Einsteins's Theory of Relativity," She retorts, flinching when I pull a strand too tight. "Ow!"

"My bad," I coo sweetly, smiling diabolically to the back of her head. "Anyways, what time's the carnival?"

"Probably around 11. Charlie, where's my eye-patch?" She asks before frantically shuffling through the remnants of a particularly messy sleep over, in desperate search for her beloved eye-patch.

No, Laura does not have a medical condition with her eye that requires the use of an eye-patch, but rather we had volenteered to dress as pirates for the swinging ship ride at the carnival.

Macy emerges from the kitchen, worry etched into her face. "The carnival starts in 20 minutes! WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE!"

"Ahhh! MY FACE! IT IS NOT YET ON!!" Nikki screeches in panic, springing to the mirror and halting when her face is a mere 3 inches from the glass. Her right hand is poised skillfully just below her eye as she smudges on the maybelline pencil.

"WHERE ARE MY BOOTS!!! I JUST GOT THEM YESTERDAY!" The boots I payed for yesterday from the weird vintage store were missing. _God charity events are so not worth this_, I think as I clutch the what i'm almost certain is a hernia in my stomach.

"Are they tall..and brown with lots of buckles?" Nikki pipes up.

"Yes!"

"Ummm I think Precious may be...erm...preocupied with those at the moment." Nikki says feebly, becoming shifty eyed. God help that little spawn of satan disguised in the form of an evil hairless chihuahua if I get my hands on it.

"Nikki?"

"Yes?"

"Do you value Precious's life?

"Yes!!!"

"Then I suggest you get to her before I do."

"PRECIOUSS SAVE YOURSELF!" Nikki screams as she runs to save Precious and hopefully retrieve my boots. It is a grand total of 5 minutes before Nikki returns with Precious in her arms ( which I cross my fingers at as I yell "DEMONNN") and a roughed up pair of brown boots but overall in pretty good condition if you disregard the chihuaha saliva.

"Precious says she's sorry." Nikki sticks her lower lip out as she holds Precious towards me like a peace token.

PRECIOUS'S POV

_Hah ya ..sorry I didn't leave a little surprise inside the boots as well..._

BACK TO CHARLIE POV

"I'm sure she is." I say grimacing as I take my boots from her grasp and slip them on. They fit perfectly, just like they did when I was in the antique store..._Madame Dalma's Fine Antiques and Apparel. _I don't know why I went through the trouble of getting them at an antique store when they probably had an imitation pair at Target. All I remember is walking past the store on North 17th St. and leisurely gazing in the display window, when the pair of boot's caught my eye. I had felt oddly drawn to them, even after I had looked at the _very_ pricey price tag.

"Ahhh those boots come from da Caribbean child." The shop keeper who was presumably Madame Dalma had cooed as she flitted to my side. Kinda gave me the jeepers she did. And the urge to hand her some crest whightening tooth paste.

"Not from a sweatshop where a poor little girl who was imported from China slaved over these for 5 cents a day, I hope!" I had yelled, my world peace and save the enviorment side kicking in.

"No,no, no child" She chuckled, "these be from da 18th century. Now, you try em on, ok? I think they will fit just nicely." Not wanting to upset the gypsy lady, I obliged. Well call me Cinderella and give me a handsome prince, for the glass slipper, or erm brown boot fit.

I take one last glance at my image in the mirror before hurrying out the door with my friends. My pirate ensemble consists of one my dad's old torn and dirty dress shirts, a vest, brown ragged pants that cut off just below my knee, a large belt, and finally the infamous boots. I sigh as I tie a black bandanna around my wrist and grab my car keys which are lying next to my Pirates of the Caribbean DVD, AKA my bible.

Did Jack just...no...thats insane...I could've just sworn that Jack Sparrow on the cover just winked at me. Huh, Nikki's nail polish fumes must be getting to me. Jingling my car keys, I run after my friends who are sitting in the car, blasting music. We arrive about 15 minutes late (Ahem were girls, you do the math). The carinival is alright--I mean it's no Disney World and most likely does not have the power to warm the hearts of leukemia kids, but so be it.

Since the profits are going to charity, I volenteered, and dragged my friends down with me. I'd like to say my intentions were so that dear little Suzy can play in a new playground next year, or poor Billy can have that knee operation, but i'd be stretching the truth. Hey, I was a senior, and charity events looked good on college aplications, so sue me. Also dressing up as a pirate while handing out tickits to the swinging ship ride dosn't exactly constitue as hard work.

After a while, due to my short attention span, I start to get bored. I glance absently over at my friends. Macy is ordering a hotdog, Laura is drawing (obscene!) pictures in the dirt with a stick, and Nikki, well Nikki is picking a very stubborn wedgie.

I let out an exasperated sigh. Handing out tickits is easy, but a monotonous job. Right now more than anything, I want to be home, curled up in bed with a good book, some hot cocoa, and a Lifetime movie marathon that involves terminally ill/pregnant/recovering drug addict girls who single handedly end world hunger while managing to score the hottest guy in school.

Suddenly, I think of an idea, and chuckle inspite of it. Closing my eye's, I go into yoga/zen mode. This gets the attention of Laura, who scratches her head pensively.

"Charlie! What the hell are you doing?" She laughs.

"There's no place like home." I say dreamily, the way I pictured Dorthy had done it as I click the heals of my worn boots.

"Oh God." Laura moans smacking her head. Now Macy is watching as well.

"Charlie people are staring!" She squeals. I didn't care. Thats one good thing that came with senior year. I didn't care what people thought of me any more. When your a scant year away from college, you realize that it's pointless to try and please the royalty of highschool. So if I want to renact a scene from The Wizard of Oz, then damnit I'm gonna!

"There's no place like home." Twice I click my heals.

"Is this from StarWars?" Nikki asks. I hear a smack echo, and hope it is the sound of Macy or Laura's hand coming in contact with Nikki's thick skull.

"There's no place like home." Three times. I smile. Well that felt good. If I ever become a therapist i'm going to prescribe my patients to do an embarassing public act at least once in their life. I prepare to open my eye's and face my friends, who are probably at the moment denying being aquaintences of mine. However I can't. I feel a violent rush of air, and a pull on my body, propelling me off the ground and throwing me through space. I can't see anything. I am completely enveloped in black. I _can_ hear the faint screams of my friends though. _Laura? Macy? Nikki? _I try to say but I can't. Suddenly, there is silence as I land on something hard with a thud.

Then, " 'Ello there lass."


	2. Nuns With Attitude

**Disclaimer: Don't own Pirates, so you don't sue. **

Chapter Two: Nuns With Attitude

Fact: In the movie The Wizard of Oz, during the scene where Dorthy clicks her heals, there should be a bright flashy warning sign at the bottom of the screen saying DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. MAY CAUSE PERSONS TO HURTLE THROUGH BLACK HOLE OF DOOM.

Fact: After hurtling through said black hole of doom, it is not pleasant to open your eyes to a confused old man prodding you with a cane.

Fact: My bum hurts.

"Lass? Are you alrigh'?" Prod, prod.

"Asjdkfl;as;kdfjkl;a."

"Sorry? What was that?" Prod.

"AJSKLDFALSKDFLASD."

"Your going to have to speak clearer miss."Prod.

"PROD ME WITH THAT DAMN STICK ONE MORE TIME OLD MAN!" I instantly regret the outburst, not because it sent the old man hobbling away at a surprisingly speedy pace, but because my head was throbbing like mad.

"Guysss? Are you here? Where is here??? WHAT HAPPENED?" Uhhhh I really have to learn to stop with the yelling. I grab my head between my hands and rock myself slowly. I'm almost positive I resemble a mad person who is wanted in 30 states for a psycho serial killing spree, and maybe some cow tipping on the side, but I don't care. Finally I give up on the tedious task of nursing my head, and stand up slowly. WHAT THE BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

One glance at my surroundings told me that I probably was no longer in the same country, let alone time period. It was like a picture from my old tattered Global History Textbook that was now sitting at the bottom of my gym locker collecting dust and probably some other foreign substances. To my right is a bustling market place, filled with street vendors and shoppers. The style of clothing is old-fashioned; long modest dresses for the women, puffy shirts, and stockings for the men. I stagger back onto the cobblestone road, where I am nearly made road kill by a horse and carriage.

"Whoa miss, watch your step." A man says with the tip of his hat and a winning smile. 'Watch your step miss'? Not, 'YO MUTHA FUCKA GET OUTA MY WAY BEFORE I BUST A CAP IN YO ASS'? He couldn't possibly be talking to me. I look around, expecting to see someone else, but find nobody.

"Huh I think I like this old fashion ettiquette." I conclude, smiling before I notice something in the air. It's a salty tangy smell that reminds me of days on the beach in sun-kissed Florida. I turn to my left, and sure enough there is the ocean in all of it's vast and sparkling blue greatness. I can see the docks, swarmed by merchants, sailors, and soldiers alike. There near the docks are my friends, lying motinless.

"GUYSSS OH MY GOD I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!!!!" I go into a drop dead run to my friend's side, my arms flailing around like a deranged girl. I drop to Macy's side first. Her unconscience body is sprawled over the cobbelstone, her brown mousy hair fanning around her head.

"MACY! SPEAK TO ME! PLEASE DON'T DIE! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!!!" I resist the urge to throw my head back and bellow 'NOOOOOOOO' like they did in the movies. I proceed to instead gently (well sorta) slap her face until her body shows signs of life (This process is not recomended). To my immense releif her eye's flutter open, and she rolls to her side as a fit of coughs overcome her.

"OH MY GOD YOUR ALIVE!!" I say hugging the life out of her despite the coughs that are wracking her body.

"ARGHH Charlie I can't breathe!" She sputters after the coughs subside.

"Sorry!" I grin apologetically, when my eyes catch sight of my other two friends, who are still laying motionless. I run over to Laura who is lying nearest to me as Macy gets up to help Nikki. Hmmm should I give her the slap of life, or shake her till she opens her eyes. Maybe a flick on the forehead? To my great dismay, I don't have to do either for Laura starts to stirr. She groans before slowly lifting her head up and looking around.

"This deffinately ain't the carnival." She says flatly, stating the obvious.

"No shit sherlock." I say, my words dripping with sarcasm, a habit of mine.

"Hey! This is YOUR doing! You and those boots worked some voodoo witchcraft back at the carnival, thats all I know," Laura snaps, as she props herself up on one elbow. Rawr. Well, time travel is making someone moody. And seriously, muah? A witch? Sure I read Harry Potter with an almost unhealthy fervor, _and_ the idea of flying around on a broom sounds a bit appealing, but come onnn. Martha Stuart is more likely to be a witch than I am. Well anyways, speaking of said bewitching boots, where are they? I look down to find my feet completely bear. Not wanting to cause a scene, I decide to not mention it and worry about it later.

"Paleaseeee I'm not the one who watches Charmed on a regular basis, so before we start a salem witch trial spree lets do something useful and ask someone for help. Look there's plenty of people on the docks. I'm sure there's a nice ole gentlemen who would be MORE than glad to help us. And if not, Nikki will flash him."

"HEY! Why do I have to flash him?" Nikki pouts while rubbing her head.

"Becaussse," I start, "Macy's to prude, Laura at the moment is going to bite someone's head off, and mother nature chose to bless me with a small chest. NOW LETS GET GOING."

I grab my friends by the arms and try my best to drag them to the docks. They get up reluctantly and walk with me to the docks with heavy feet. Under different circumstances, this could be rather enjoyable. The sky is blue, and so is the ocean to match. It is like a scene out of the numerous postcards that my Uncle Don had sent me from his vacation in the Bahamas.

"How about him?"Macy suggests, pointing out a man standling idely on the docks. His back is turned from us. From what I can see he has a long matted mane, the color of rich coffee beans, about the same shade as mine actually. His hair however has odd brightly colored trinkets and beats woven in, and random peices are in braids and dreadlocks. His clothes are dirty and worntorn, and he has a tri cornered hat perched at a jaunty angle on his head. I didn't know what it was, but something about him screamed TROUBLE. Just as we are about to call out to the mystery man, two soldiers dressed in red coats beat us to him.

"Hey no fair so we saw him first!" Nikki hollars like a toddler that just got cheated into a smaller peice of pie. This scene looks oddly familiar.

The man must have heard Nikki, for he turns slowly on his heel, his hands floating unsteadily in the air, like he's drunk and trying to keep his balance.

And I think it was at this point my heart stopped beating.

Before me is Johnny Depp, well actually Captain Jack Sparrow, the man I've worshipped (according to my mom it was an unhealthy obseession) from the momment I saw the movie Pirates of the Caribbean as a giddy sophmore along with Laura, Macy, And Nikki. Yep it was him, all the way from his swaying goatee braids, to his flittering bejewled fingers, to the beautiful koal lined deep brown eyes that were at the moment studying me and our merry band with intriguement.

"See somethin' ya like luv" Jack drawls lazily. Damn caught staring. That hasn't happened since 9th grade, when Pierre, the hott foreign exchange student from France sat in front of me in Biology.

"Oh.My.God." Nikki manages to say as she slowly lifts a shaky finger to Jack.

"Y-y-your Captain Jack Sparrow!" Laura squeaks.

"In the flesh me darlin'!" He replies whilst grinning madly.

"Thats impossible, your not real!" Macy says wide-eyed. This stops Jack's grinning. He opens his mouth to respond but is cut off by Murtogg and Mullroy.

"Enough! This dock is off limits to civilians!" He says with a straight face.

"I'm terribly sorry. I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately." At this moment he trys to continue on his way, but is thwarted as Murtogg and Mullroy block his path. Looking bewildered he says, "Apparently there's some high toned and fancy to do up at the fort, eh? How could it be that two upstanding gentlemen as yourselves did not merit an invitation?"

"Someone has got to make sure this dock stays off limits to civilians." Murtogg replies, trying to sound emotionless, but his facial expression betraying the blow to his ego.

"Aye and who are you ladies? And what is the meaning of your dress, tis not propper for women to wear breeches." Mullroy says, as his eye's dart nervously to our legs. It took a moment for us to realize that we are now being included in the conversation, instead of watching it from cozy couches, huddled in blankets with a freshly popped bowl of popcorn in our hands.

"Errr were just some innocent by standers!" Laura pipes up when no one feels the need to stop staring like idiots and respond to the question. Jack cocks an eyebrow at Laura's remark.

"Well innocent or not Miss, your attire is not appropriate. Especially your friend, whose, er , ankles are in plain view...could give her a bad name in Port Royale." Mullroy gulps. I can see the beads of sweat forming on his brow as he mentions my legs. Sheesh I tell ya I think he would pass out if he had to spend a day at one of Nikki's cheerleading practices.

"Are you calling me a skank?!" I say, outraged.

"I-I'm sorry?"

"A SKANK. S-K-A-N-K. SKANK. Otherwise known as, slut, whore, hobag, harlot, easy, hoe, tease, promiscuous, bimbo, tramp, hussy, floozy, and many, many more." Thus concluding Mullroy's vocab lesson for the day from Ms.Charlie McAvoy. You are dismissed Mullroy and remember tonight's homework, ' What to do when the hoe dosn't pay up'.

While stroking his goatee braids thoughtfully and scrutinizing us with those oh so delicious eyes Jack says, "You lass's ain't from around here are ye." Hah.You could say that I guess.

"Right, were uhh just some humble fisherwomen looking for a boat in Port Royale, likeeee that one." Laura says, her finger extending toward's the dauntless.

"Aye, that be the Dauntless, the power in these waters, but if you ladies are in the fishing business, you'll be wanting a ship more like the Interceptor. Not a ship that can match her speed." Murtogg recites in tip top fancy accent.

"I've heard of one, supposed to be very fast, nigh, un-catchable. The Black Pearl." Jack whispers in a low mysterious voice after a slight pause, probably trying to add some dramatics.

"HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA." Sheesh, I couldn't hold it in.

"What be so funny?" Jack asks, looking a bit miffed.

"What are you, that kid from The Midnight Society, on Are You Afraid of the Dark? Ooooooo... The Black Pearllllll, I'm scareeedd." I tease, while trying to imitate his swaying movements. And honestly, now that I think of it, The Black Pearl and its crew arn't exactly horrifying. _Sure_ they're pirates, and yes there's that whole walking undead thing, but I think underneath it all, they're all really just a bunch of misunderstood men who probably weren't hugged enough as a child.

"Haha she's right! All he needs is a flashlight shining underneath his face for the cheesy affects." Nikki adds, slapping her knee.

"Guysss I don't really think it's a good idea to be talking about _these_ sorta things around...them." Macy warns. Sure enough, there's Mullroy and Murtogg along with Jack staring at us like we are some foreign alien lifeforms.

"I think their mums dropped them on their heads. Tha' one prolly got dropped repeatedly." Jack says in a hushed voice to Mullroy as he points none to nonchalantly at me.

"Oh God, spare me," I mutter as I cross my arms.

"Taking the Lord's name in vain is not proper for young ladies as yerselves," Jack muses.

"Oh yea? Watch this!," I say, hating to be told what to do, "Holy friggen mother of Jesus Christ, Mary, Joseph, Lordy, St.Peter, God, Allah, Buddah, Yahweh, George Bush!"

By the end of my outburst, there is a moment of awed silence which causes me to wonder if my religious rant was the wisest thing to do. Mullroy coughs and Murtogg shifts his weight to the other foot uncomfortably.

Jack's mouth slowly curves into a fiendish smirk as he says "Well, I guess I'll be seein' ya in Hell than, love."

"Hah I highly doubt it," I answer, although I can't help but wonder if I'll wake next morning to find everyone whose name I took in vain, standing around my bed with a lead pipe, gag and rope.

"And why is tha' missy?"

"Because!" I counter as I stamp my foot, not actually having a good reason but not liking my word being challanged, especially by Jack.

I must have paused for quite a while after I shouted 'Because!' for Laura finishes for me and shouts, "Because were nuns!"

I blink. The confusion on my face must have been distinct for Laura sends me a look that clearly means 'Oh and like you had something better!'.

Jack narrows his eyes as he leans unsteadily towards us, taking in our ragged appearance. "I though' you said ye was in th' fishing business," he contends.

"We are! Its just that, well spreading God's message of love, and forgiveness and happiness, yada yada yada, is not exactly a profitable career," Nikki replys, trying to sound convinceable. When Jack's eyebrows are still raised in that cocky manner like he's not buying a single word that we are saying, I clasp my fingers piously infront of me and walk solemnly towards him and say,

"Oh child, I sense wrong doing in your past. Raiding, pillaging, and...oh my fornication? Tsk, tsk," I chide, as I shake my head sadly.

Jack snorts and says, "And how would you know this, oh _Sister_?"

"_He_ tells me everything," I say simply as I hold up a menacing finger to his nose. Realizing how absolutely skitzophrenic that sounds I add quickly, "God, that is".

Deciding that there's no point in stopping there, I drop to my knees dramaticaly, scrunch my eyes shut, and throw my arms towards the Heavens, as I proclaim, "Oh Heavenly Father, please forgive this man's sins and let him start a new life! Show him the light and guide him down the road of rightiousness and proper personal hygiene! Also while your at it, there is that whole world hunger thing so if you could be a doll and take care of that, it would be lovely. In your name we pray AMEN!" I open my eyes to see Mullroy, Murtogg, Nikki, Macy, and Laura joining hands with closed eyes and in the midst of passionate prayer. Well, Murtogg and Mullroy anyways. Of course, Jack is no where to be seen.

"Hey! Where did Jack go?" I whisper sharply.

"Take a wild guess," Macy replys as she looks over to the interceptor. I turn my head and see Jack standing animatedly at the helm of the interceptor. I narrow my eyes, appalled that Jack would skip out on prayer time to play with his beloved little boat. Ship. Whatever.

"Wh-where is that man?" Murtogg, who is now obviously done with praying asks. I stretch my arms in the direction of the interceptor lackadaisically.

"Hey you! Get away from there!" He says, taking my hint to heart.

"You don't have permission to be aboard there, mate." BUSTEDDDD. At the sight of Mullroy and Murtogg boarding the ship with us flocking behind them, Jack puts on a face of mild surprise, while raising his hands in a half surrender.

"I'm sorry, it's just - it's such a pretty boat. Ship." Nice save, Mr. Smooth.

"What's your name?" Murtogg asks suspiciously.

"Smith. or Smithy, if you like."

"No it's not, it's Captain Jack Sparrow!" NIKKI! Laura rounds on her and clamps her hand over her big mouth in one fast movement. Her eye's are wide in confusion, and all I can hear is her muffled protests.

"Is that so?" Mullroy breathes in disbeleif and awe. Jack grimaces as he sends murderous glances in our direction .His fingers are paused in midair, ready to weave around as he unfolds a long excuse to the gaping soldiers.

"Er, well, uh the thing is...hey I know how about a story!" Jack proclaims with the clap of his hands.

20 MINUTES LATER...

"...and then they made me their cheif." Huh that's deffinately not how I imagined it would go. As if on cue, their is a resounding splash to our right as Elizabeth plummets into the water.

"Will you be saving her then?" Jack asks.

"I can't swim!" Mullroy stammers as he eyes the ocean with fear.

"Pride of the King's Navy you are." Jack mutters sarcastically. "How 'bout you ladies, or should I say _Sisters_?" I see the hope rekindled in his eyes as the prospect of not having to go save the girl is not yet lost. _My hero_.

"My eyeliner is not waterproof."

"I'm not a strong swimmer."

"I just ate and I have to wait an hour before I get in the water!" It is now my turn to recite the excuse that I have not thought up of yet. I search my mind and to my horror, there really is no good reason for me not to go and save Elizabeth. In fact I've been on the swim and diving team since the 7th grade, and I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty darn good.

"I'm...allergic to salt water!"

_Thats a pathetic lie, I thought I taught you better!_ My inner voice tells me.

Jack eyes me questionably as if he's not convinced, but dosn't push the matter and proceeds to take off his coat and effects (unfortunately thats the most he takes off).

"Do not lose these." He orders as he makes his way to the edge of the boat. Even though I know that he's just seconds away from executing a perfect dive into the water to save Elizabeth, his pause is making me nervous. I mean sheesh Elizabeth's been in the water, what, 30 seconds now? And so I let my impatientness overide my rational mind, and did something really...stupid.

"AHHH HURRY UP ALL READY!" I yell as I push him over the edge and send him flailing into the water as an estranged "ARAGHHH" escapes his mouth. I scamper away from the railing immediately, shocked at what I had just done. I hear the sound of a splash as Jack's body hits the water, and nothing more. He must be rescueing Elizabeth as we speak. My releif dosn't last long for I am immediately berated by the scorn of my friends.

"YOU. JUST. PUSHED. JACK. SPARROW. INTO. THE. WATER. ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!?!?" Laura yells as she beats my retreating body with her fists. Meanwhile Macy is not looking to pleased with my actions, and Nikki is on the ground laughing up a storm.

"Ahahhahahahah you should've seen his face Charlie! Ohhh you're gonna get it when he gets back, and something tells me you're gonna like it you naughty girl!" Nikki squeals as tears of joy run down her cheeks. I gulp. Perhpas it was not the smartest thing I have ever done in my life. That including the time I convinced Laura to jump off my garage roof with me, using umbrellas inorder to imitate Mary Poppins.

A pulse that reverberated us down to the very core resounds from the depths of the ocean. Me and my friends share a knowing look. It has begun

"What was that?!" Murtogg asks, looking a bit alarmed.

"Youuuu don't wanna know." Nikki says as she props a hand on her hip.


	3. Love Connections! Ooolala

**Disclaimer : Disney STILL owns POTC, but one day I hope to free Jack from the evil monopolizing corporation disguised as a innocent fun loving mouse. One day...shakes fist at sky **

Chapter Three : Love Connections! Ooolala

In no time at all Jack resurfaces with Elizabeth, who is hauled on to the deck by Murtogg

"She's not breathing!"

"Move!" Jack says irritably, a bit more irritably than I remembered from watching the movie actually. Perhaps he's a bit mad from my little shove back at the interceptor. Murtogg obliges and quickly scampers out of the way as Jack unsheathes a knife, cuts down the middle of Elizabeth's pale pink corset, and then shoves it unceremoniously into Mullroy's fumbling arms. Immediately her eye's pop open and she is sent into a coughing fit as water spews out of her mouth.

"Never would've thought of that," Mullroy says in awe.

"Clearly you've never been to Singapore." I never understood that statement. I mean, was it common practice in Singapore to chuck woman off cliffs into the ocean, wearing heavy dresses and tight corsets, and to later send a rougishly handsome pirate who wears makeup to rescue them by cutting off the said tight corset? Eh like Nikki says I over analyze things to much. Then again Nikki dosn't analyze things enough. "Where did you get that," Jack murmmers as he picks up the medallion that hung loosely around Elizabeth's neck.

"She used the five finger discount...if ya know what I mean." Laura cuts in, a sly smile plastered on her face.

I immediately cringe, at Laura's statement. I was kinda hoping we could attract as little attention as possible considering I was not exactly on good terms with Jack. Unfortunately just like I predicted, Jack's head, along with everyone else swivels in the direction of Laura, bringing attention to our charming little bunch, and ultimately bringing attention to me, even though I was trying to shrink into my surroundings.

"YOU!" Jack yells as he stands up and points an accusing finger at me.

"Maybe if I close my eyes he can't see me." I mutter my childhood solution to every problem like a mantra as I scrunch my eyes tightly shut.

"Oh ho I can see ya lass," I hear Jack snort. "and yer gonna pay for whatcha did. I know ye couldn't keep yer hands off of me, but thats no excuse for attempting to kill me you crazy strumpet!" I hear the predatorial thud of his boots approach me, so I quickly pop open my eyes. None of that blindfolded fighting nonsence from the Karate Kid for me. I'll take my chances fighting off a pissed off pirate with my eyes wide open thank you very much. Sure enough, Jack is looking mad as Hell, but suddenly his expression changes to one of deep fustration, as he rolls his eyes heavenward.

"Not another step." A cold voice hisses from behind him. Commodore Norrington is behind Jack along with Governor Swann, and some military men. Norrington's sword is at the moment pointing menacingly into Jack's lower back.

"Shoot him!" Govenor Swann's voice rings out.

"Father! Commodore, do you really intend to kill my rescuer?" Elizabeth pleads as she staggers upward into her father's arms.

"Uh, yep I think that was already established," I say in my most smart-alec voice. Elizabeth turns to me, as if noticing for the first time that I've been standing there, and takes in my appearance with clear distaste written on her face. I look down at my pirate garb and heave a giant shrug. What? Something in my teeth?

"Thanks lass," Jack says sarcastically as he narrows his eyes aggressively at me. I am noticing a pattern where my constant urges to put my two cents into everything are getting me on the wrong side of Jack Sparrow. Not to self: keep stupid trap shut.

Well, Norrington being a sucker for Elizabeth and all, complies to her wishes and instead offer's Jack a hand.

"I beleive thanks are in order." Norrington says without emotion. Jack sensing danger, tentaviley takes the hand. I wince inwardly as Norrington immediately thrusts Jack's sleeve up, revealing a "P". "Had a brush with the East Indian Trading Company, did we, pirate?" The Commdore says smugly.

"Hang him!" Govenor Swann orders, just to here his own voice, I suspect. Norrington thrusts the sleeve up further so that Jack's tattoo of a sparrow flying over the sunset is in view.

"Keep your guns on him men. Gillette fetch some irons. Well, well, Jack Sparrow isn't it?"

"Captain. Captain Jack Sparrow." Jack corrects looking extremely annoyed. I have to say that I feel for Jack 'cause I know the feeling. It had taken almost my whole highschool career to establish that I go by Charlie, not shudders _Charlotte. _Norrington scoffs as he starts to rummage through Jack's affects.

"No addtional shots nor powder. A compass that dosn't point north," Norrington drones as he unsheathes Jack's sword which personally I find to be very nice. "And I half expected it to be made of wood. You are no doubt the worst pirate I have ever heard of." Norrington finishes with an arrogant half smile.

"Ahh but you have heard of me." Jack points out with a coy grin. Norrington, momentarily robbed of a witty comeback, instead turns to my friends with a look of loathing that I don't think we deserve. Much.

"And who are these ladies?" Norrington demands. He really is quite intimidating when mad.

"I'm Laura Bean, please to make your aquantience Lord Mista-Sir tight pants,"Laura says instantly with a cheeky smile and a short curtsy. _Suck up, _I mouth to her. Not to be outdone, I follow suit.

"The name's Charlie McAvoy, but I want _you_ to think of _me_ as your...spiratual guider sorta, especially when concerning important descisions about, ya know COUGHCOUGHELIZABETHCOUGHHACKCOUGH. ahem sorry something stuck in my throat," I finish by sticking my hand for a friendly handshake, because _I_ like someone else I know, don't have a giant "P" branded on my arm, so therefore don't have anything to worry about. The Commodore eyes me with bewilderment and dosn't take my hand, which quite frankly dosn't surprise me considering I just coughed and hacked all over it.

"I'm Nikki Rochester, this years homecoming queen, editor of the yearbook, and captain of the cheerleading squad," Nikki says proudly all in one breath as she lists her lifetime acheivments.

"Facinating," Norrington drawls in a monotonous tone as he turns to Macy who is last but not least.

"My name is, erm Macy Ford..." The color rushes at an alarming rate to Macy's cheeks. I look to the Commodore, expecting him to have that same cold expression plastered on his face, but find instead that a small half smile graces his thin lips. Huh...

"Crazy wenches, the lot of them. Especially tha' one. Tried to kill me she did." Jack voices, leering at us.

"Pity it didn't work," Norrington replys turning his back on Jack and facing us.

"Pity it didn't work," Jack parrots back in a mocking falseto voice.

"What is your business with Mr.Sparrow?" Norrington persists through gritted teeth as he trys to ignore Jack's jesting.

"We have no business with Jack, _nuns_ don't mingle with pirates," Nikki replys smartly, tossing her perfectly blonde highlighted hair over her shoulder with well practiced flair.

"Really now, well tell me Miss Rochester, do all the nuns go gallavanting around town in pirate attire, or is it just you four," Norrington says in a comtemptuous manner. Laura scowls in a very un-nunly way while giving Norrington the also un-nunly finger while Macy whispers frantically into Nikki's ear, who's eyes then bulge out of her sockets as she yells "NO WAY!" as if shes just been told something deliciously scandalous.

"What is she saying?" Norrington damands. Nikki smiles broadly and belts out, "Macy thinks your a smokin' hot tamale with a nice little BEHIND and wouldn't mind taking you too a closet and ha-" She is cut off quite abrubtly as Macy lunges desperately to cover Nikki's mouth. Her glasses fly off in the process and clatter to Norrington's boots.

"Aye Norry you sly dog, how bout taking on that invitation! Why don' you and the girl go and have a lil toss in the hay and we can forget this whole arrest-the-pirate matter. Hell, take 'Lizabeth with you, the more the merrier righ'?" Jack says merrily as he claps the back of a stunned Commodore Norrington.

I, myself must say that I am also surprised at what Macy said. Firstly because she chose to confide in Nikki, who is a notorious big mouth, and secondly, who knew that shy, timid, nice Macy had such naughty thoughts about Norrington, although I suspect that Nikki twisted the actual facts a bit. Well, I decide to play along because frankly Macy deserves some more confidence.

"Oh my, is James...may I call you James?" _James_ glares daggers at me, clearly meaning no, but I ignore it."Yes? Why thank you, anywaysss is JAMES _blushing_?! I think the Commodore has a thing for our dear Macy!" Immediately an unnatural dark brick red color creeps into James's cheeks from beneath his stiff white collar. Well at least James, and Macy can't say they don't have anything in common, both being violent blushers.

"Thats impossible, the Commodore just proposed to me on the battlements!" Elizabeth sniffs.

"Bite me barbie!" Laura growls, propping a hand on her hip. Oh, did I mention that Laura absolutely despises Elizabeth? No? Well, she does.

Me sensing a girlfight, stand between the two attempting to separate them.

"Down girl, I'm almost positive giving the Governor's daughter a black eye is frowned upon in Port Royale," I say as I grab Laura's arm in an attempt to keep her from launching herself at Elizabeth, who is at the moment trying to desipher the meaning of barbie, and obviously with no such luck.

"No, no let them go at it, 'tis not healthy t' keep bad feelings all bottled up," Jack says gleefully, obviously wanting to see them wrestle, and probably wouldn't mind if a mud pit was involved as well. I swear men have not changed over the last 3 centuries one bit.

James bends over stiffly and gingerly picks up Macy's glasses. "I beleive these are yours." Macy, mortified, walks over to James with eyes strictly averted to the ground, snatches her glasses, and is by our side in less than a second. At this moment, I notice Gillette step away from Jack. I look over at Elizabeth who is standing, a mere 2 feet away from Sparrow, oblivious to the fact that she is about to become the most envied girl in POTC fanfiction land. I supress my urge to push her over the dock and take her spot, for that probably wouldn't help my case of not being crazy, and instead watch with narrowed eyes as Jack mutters "Finally," and flings his chains over her skinny neck.

"No, no don't shoot!" Governor Swann yells as he waves his arms frantically.

"I knew you'd warm up to me," Jack husks in her ear, smiling devilishly. "Commodore Norrington my affects please. Commodore! Elizabeth, it is Elizabeth isn't it?"

"It's Miss Swann!" She hisses.

"Miss Swann, if you'd be so kind. Come, come, we don't have all day." A soldier brings Jack his affects and Elizabeth snatches them with reluctant movements. "Now, if you'll be _very_ kind." I now regret not letting Laura beat the crap out of Elizabeth. That could've been _me_ strapping on Jack's sword, or _me_ snapping on whatever else on to his belt, or _me_ squashing his hat on, all the while, mind you, being pressed up very itimately against Jack Sparrow. Ugh sometimes I hate myself. Macy sees my disappointment and gives me a sympathetic smile.

It seems Elizabeth strapped on _something_ a little to tight for Jack groans and says, "Easy on the goods, love."

"You're despicable!" She snarls. I roll my eyes. As if she didn't enjoy it.

"Sticks an' stones, love. I saved your life, you saved mine. Where square." Jack pauses and pronounces to his audience using exagerated hand movements, "Gentlemen, Ladies...and Charlie," he smirks at my outraged face. Since when did I become my own species of human? "You will always remember this as the day that you _almost_ caught Captain Jack Sparrow!" With one single effortless push, Elizabeth is sent falling into the confused Navy, while Jack takes off into the air on a rope and initiates his escape. The Navy fires aimlessly at his fleeing body with no success until he disappears into town.

All of us are so captivated by the amazing feet, that we don't even notice the military men step up to us and snap our wrists into hand cuffs.

"Sparrow may have gotten away, but you four are still under arrest for associating yourselves with a pirate, and are guilty until proven innocent," The Commodore says coldly, although I notice he limits his gaze away from Macy.

"You know, throwing the girl you fancy in jail is not exactly the best way to woo her. Most people prefer choclates and flowers but thats just them." I say, challanging Norrington's stare of death with a ominous gaze of my own.

"Perhaps I shall inform you, that you and your friends are being arrested also because of your lewd and lascious conduct." Seeing my utter confusion, the Commdore continues. "It is forbidden for a woman to display her limbs in such a wanton manner as yourself."

_What?_

Okay, getting busted in math class for a too low cut shirt is one thing, but getting _arrested_ for my legs? Specifically, legs, only from the knee down.

"Nice going, Charlie," Nikki mocks, which is quite ironic for she's the one who always gets detention for to short a skirt. I also notice how all of my friend's legs are conservatively covered up, and I, of all people am all of a sudden marked the harlot of the group. Wonderful.

"Take them away Gillette."


	4. Illiterate Pirates and Obsessive

**A/N: Aghh sorry I havn't updated in a while...things have been pretty hectic lately. But don't worry, this is a LONG chapter thanks to my tendency to ramble. Maybe you've noticed...hopefully you havn't. ANYWAYS, a thank you to my very lovely reviewers and a YOU ARE CONDEMNED TO HADES to my nonreviewers (JUST KIDDING). **

**your non hades condemning authoress**

**pinksharpie**

Chapter Four: "Illiterate" Pirates and Obsessive Will Fans

"In ye goes missy." Nikki's guard grunts as he pushes her rather roughly into the dank cell.

"OW!" I yowl as I join her on the hard dirt ground.

"EEEK!" Next Macy is sent tumbling next to me.

"Watch it bucko or else!" Laura warns, as the cell door swings shut and locks with a morbid click.

"Or else what eh? What's blondie gonna do?" A rather ugly guard mocks as he nudges his even uglier friend. Not alot of lookers in the Royal Navy.

Apparently Laura hadn't gotten to that part yet, for she merely puts on that Scarlett O'Hara damn-your-eyes look that could give any man frost bite. But apparently these guards come with anti-freeze, for they don't even bat an eye.

"Don't worry, this isn't over quite yet," Nikki assures her as she stands up and saunters pass her towards the bars, swaying her hips probably more than neccesary while she pops open the top buttons of her shirt.

"Wha d'ya want, wench?" A rat-faced man oh so kindly asks (insert sarcasm here).

Nikki ignores his less than polite demeanor and instead flutters her eyelashes at a psychopathic rate.

"Oh, please forgive me sir, it's just that the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I just had to approach you...you've got this masculine auora about you that has me so drawn," She swoons, ignoring the muffled giggles from behind her.

"Nice try missy, don't think I don't know what yer up to," He sneers as he crosses his arms and turns away from her as if to show her that he's not interested. Nikki's girlish smile falls instantly into a small pout at her humiliating rejection. Not ready to admit defeat just yet, she chooses her next victim to target her attention on. He's a nervous looking boy who looks to be about 16.

"Why hello there handsome is that a gun in your pocket or is someone happy to see me," She coos sweetly, whilst twirling a lock of hair around her finger.The boy looks confusedly to his left and then to his right as he pulls out a pistol from his pocket.

"It's a gun," He says flatly. Her mouth forms into a little 'O' as she finally takes a spot on the ground next to Laura, Macy, and I who are trying our best to keep from laughing uproariously.

* * *

After a couple rounds of I spy, tic tac toe, and rock paper scissor shoot, our dear Captain is finally brought down the stairs in an unconscience heap by some guards. A burly looking man thrusts his jingling keys into the rusty lock which opens with a click, swings the cell door open, and chucks Jack inside. Upon inpact with the ground, Jack's eyes flicker open, and a groan escapes his lips. 

"I see you've made a friend, Jack." I say sarcastically from the corner of the cell that me and my friends have claimed.

"Nobody can resist the charms of Jack Sparrow," He says drowsily, almost incoheriantly. He's still looking a bit out of it, and he gazes at his surroundings with no sign of comprehending his situation. He looks over at our bunch, then does a double take, and for the first time looks alert.

"Oh buggar, not you lot again."

Laura snorts. "Nice to see you too Jack."

"I see even nuns are not above the law," Jack sneers.

"Oh please if you havn't figured out that we arn't nuns than you're stupider than I thought," Laura replys bitterly.

Jack sighs and looks desperately over to the guards and hollars, "are ye sure we have to wait until next morning to hang me?"

"Drama queen," I yawn.

"Wench." He retorts, turning away from the compassionless guards.

"Pansy."

"Whore."

"Nacy boy."

"Hell cat."

"Fairy."

"Strumpet."

"EUNUCH!"

"FLAT CHESTED!"

Well that shuts me up.

My mouth immediately falls open in disbeleif. I hear a chorus of snickers from the peanut gallery beyond the bars, but I silence them with one of my well practiced dark eyed glares. Lord it's like seventh grade all over again. True, if a paper bag was put over my head I could be easily mistaken for a skinny preadolecent boy, but still, I don't appreciate having it rubbed in my face, and by Jack Sparrow of all people! Albeit I've learned over the years to put my wirey frame and long legs to work by joining things like cross country and swim team, so I've come a long way from the thirteen year old girl who pouted at her image in the mirror while her overly developed friend next to her was pushing her neckline lower inorder to show some more cleavage. And yet regardless of all the self acceptance I've aquired over the years, I found my inner preteen insecurites flaring up at Jack's remark.

Jack grins, knowing his last comment struck home. "Tha's what I though', love." He affirms as he lowers his body into a corner and pushes his hat over his face as if to signal that the conversation is over.

My intense stare of death lingers over his resting form, half-hoping that it will spontaneously burst into flames. A cough from someone inside the cell rips me out of my reverie, making me snap my head towards my friend's direction and plaster a look of maniacal happiness onto my face to mask my tantrum.

"I'm bored. Lets play another game." I say in a over exagerated loud voice to prevent Jack from dozing off. _This isn't over yet buddy_. Nikki nods in aggreement.

"I got one." Nikki announces. "I'll start. I'm going on a picnic and I bring..." Nikki taps her chin thoughtfully before exclaiming, "My Armani Couture Jeans!"

I raise an eyebrow before continuing after her. "I'm going on a picnic and I bring my Armani Jeans, " _Hah I wish_, "and Bubblelicious Bubble Gum." Next is Macy.

"I'm going on a picnic and I bring my Armani Jeans, Bubblelicious Bubble Gum, and a copy of Charles Dickens greatest works." Silence.

"Charles _Dick_ens, huh? Sounds naughty," Nikki giggles as she covers her mouth, trying to contain her mirth. Leave it to Nikki to transfrom one of history's greatest poets into an errotic story writer. Macy narrows her eyes at this remark.

"Alright my turn," Laura states as she sits up. I notice out of the corner of my eye that Jack has taken his hat off his face, and is now observing us with curious eyes. "I'm going on a picnic and I'm taking my Armani Jeans, Bubblelicious Bubble Gum, Charles Dickens, and," Laura pauses and revels in her thought like shes savouring something verrry good before saying, "Daniel Radcliff." My eyes widen to giant saucers. This picnic just got exciting. "Ok, so now what do we start over with Nikki?" Laura asks, acknowleding the fact that we've come to the last person. Well except for one. I nodd my head towards Jack's location, and we all share a evil grin before yelling in a sing-song voice, "Ohhhh Jackkk!" in unison.

"What! What do you hell cats want now." Jack growls irritably, although I note the curiousity in his voice.

"Come join us in our game! Its your turn to say what you want to bring to the picnic." Nikki says sweetly.

"Rum." Jack replys without hesitation.

"Nooo silly it has to start with a 'F'."

"Oh. Right, errr how 'bout Scarlett." Jack says, a bit uncomfortably. A lightbulb goes off in my brain.

"You don't know how to read, do ya Jack!" I gasp. I mean sheesh, even Nikki can read...sort of.

"Can too!" He defends as he crosses his arms.

"Alright then," Laura says getting up to fetch a stick from the opposite side of the cell. When she returns she starts using it to write a message in the dirt in front of us. "What does this say then, smarty pants?" I turn my head so that the message is right side up. It reads:

_Jack Sparrow kisses boys in closets and is a eunuch. NOT WILL._

I quickly clasp a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing uproariously. Instead I look to Jack's face, eager for a reaction. His face is totally blank, void of any sign of understanding the messasge.

"Rubbish tha's what is is. Can't understand your penmenship," Jack grumbles.

"Ohh my turn!" Nikki says with a wicked grin.

By the end of 5 minutes, we have insulted Jack from his mother to his sexual abilities. Each time Jack would stare blankly at the dirt infront of him, and heave a giant shrug. Finally, it is my turn with the stick, and I am struck with an idea. I get up and write:

_Captain Jack Sparrow is a hott dead sexy beast and a rougishly handsome devil that I want to take to a dirty motel and spend a steamy and wild night with. The End._

Whoo! I wipe the budding moisture off my forehead with the back of my hand after I'm done righting that steamy little passage. My friends stare mouth agape at my dirt message as I sit back down next to them with a satisfied smile. Hey why not take the oppurtunity to confess my horny teenage fantasies to the man I love? He can't read, so no harm no foul...right? I look to Jack, expecting to see the same vacant expression, but see something else. There is a glimmer of mischief and.._understanding_ in his eyes, and it is making me uneasy. I rub my own eyes, hoping its just my imagination, but when I open them, he's standing up, dusting his breeches off and grinning wolfishly.

"My, my, I think I just may take you up on that offer, love" He husks, as he takes an intimidating step towards me. I feel the color along with my smile slide right off my face as I stare back up into his darkening eyes with horror.

"B-b-but you c-can't read!" I declare feebly, not willing to accept that he can.

"Ah yess so it seems. Well let me set th' records straight, eh? Laura, no I do not kiss boys in closets, or whatever rubbish you said. And sorry, but infact dear Will is a eunuch. Lovely singing voice though...trying to catch flys with yer mouth, love?" Laura, who is now blushing madly, immediately snaps her mouth shut. "Ah Macy," Macy looks up with absolute dread in her eyes. "Tis true, the proffession of my mother is questionable, but lets not get carried away, savvy?" Macy squeaks a "yes", and Jack rounds on Nikki. " And Nikki. I can assure ye tha' my abillities in the bedroom are quite satisfying, but ye know wha' they say, actions speak louder than words, am I righ' love?" Nikki nodds vigorously, causing her blonde hair to flop up and down on her laguna beach tanned forehead.

"I can't beleive you pretended that you couldn't read!" I yell, my anger temporarily crushing my utter humiliation. "You're sucha pig! A lieing, womanizing, chauvanist pig!"

"Aye, but I beleive yer the one who wants to ravish the said chauvanist pig, savvy?" Jack purrs as he gives me a salacious wink.

"IT WAS A JOKE! YOU KNOW, HA HA JOKE? GAHH!!!" I seeth as I get up in a huff to sit at the opposite side of the cell. To my dismay, this meant sitting next to the dirty and skinny occupant of the next cell. He smiles what I'm pretty sure he thinks is his most dashing smile, revealing a less then charming gap toothed grin. I scooch over a tad inorder to dodge his wandering hands that poke from between the bars.

I have never been so humiliated in my life, I conclude as I limit my gaze strictley to ahead of me, as so not to catch Jack's wondering eye. Ohh Lord, Oh God, I know I havn't been the best Christian but my mom scolds me enough for it so you don't have to, but will you please send a bolt of lightening to my pitiful body and end it now, oh pleaseeee.

BOOM. I hear a blast in the far distance.

WAIT! I was kidding! You know, ha, ha, joke? Honestly, does any one in this universe have a sense of humor??

"I know those guns," Jack mutters as he leaps towards the barred off window with animal like grace that I didn't know he possessed because of all the drunken swaggering. "The Black Pearl," He whispers mystified.

"The Pearl?" The man with way- too-friendly hands asks, not bothering to hide the horror in his voice. "I've heard stories, shes been praying on ships and settlements for near 10 yrs. Never leaves any survivors," he finishes.

"No survivors eh? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?" The prisoner opens his mouth to reply, and then shuts it close just as abruptively.

"Oooo you just got served." Nikki points out with all the sass she can muster as she does the whole snap snap snap movement.

"Psss, Charlie, you, should prolly get away from that corner," Macy whispers as she beckons me toward her with her hand. I furrow my eye-brows, as I look at my homey little corner. Yea it's a bit shabby, but otherwise I see nothing else that is wrong.

There is another far off blast, and I see Jack's eyes widen as he peers out the window. In one quick movement, he is by my side and wrapping a strong arm around my waist before flinging me to the other side of the cell. As I hit the ground, I hear the cannonball shatter through the concrete wall, sending debris and smoke flying. I shudder at the thought of my own body standing in the way of the angry cannonball.

Note to self numero dos: Stop being a stubborn ass and listen to Macy from now on.

After the shock of the near death experience wore off, I realise that a certain pirate is still on top of me. Not that I'm complaining, only the fact that I can't _breathe_, but other than that no biggy.

"Geroffme!" I sputter, my lungs completely robbed of precious air, save for the small amount of oxygen contaminated with the smell of rum and sweat wafting through my nostrils from Jack's body.

Jack looks off into space for a moment as if pondering about his descision before simply answering, "No thanks, I'm quite comfortable actually." I glower at him before pushing him rather unceremoniously off.

"What? No, 'why thank you Jack you handsome devil you, for saving my life'? Bloody ungrateful woman you are," Jack sulks as he gets up to observe the damage done in the wall, just in time to witness the two scrawney prisoners climb out of the hole, which is inconveniently on the otherside of the bars.

"My sympathies friend, you've no matter of luck at all," He sneers sardonically, ending with a gleeful cackle, which echos eerily into the night.

"I never liked that guy," Macy says whistfully. Laura harrumps as Jack retrieves the bone that they have so considerately left behind.

"That's not going to work," Laura states cynically. Jack ignores her and proceeds to coax the dog over to the bars with the bone.

"Come'on doggy!" He whistles. "It's just you and me now. It's you and ole' Jack. Come on, good boy. Bit closer, big closer. That's it doggy. Come'on you filthy slimy mangy cur..."

BANG

There is a gunshot followed by triumphant voices and a body that rolls down the stairs and lands at the bottom with a sickening thud.

"This ain't th'armory!" Twigg growls as he strides into view.

"Well, well, well...look what we got here Twigg. Captain Jack Sparrow..." Koehler says darkly as his mouth twitches into a malevolent smile.

"Last time I saw you, you were all alone on a godforsaken island, shrinkin' in the distance. His fortunes havn't improved much." Twigg chuckles at his own wit.

"Worry about your own fortunes gentlemen. The deepest circle of Hell is reserved for betrayors, and mutineers." Koeler snarls and grabs Jack's neck, revealing a skeletel arm in the moonlight that streams through the bars. "So there is a curse...that's interesting."

"You know nothing of Hell." Koehler growls hatefully, and yet I sense the pain in his voice.

"Dude. You seriously need to chill," Nikki advises them with raised eyebrows.

"Dude? What's that??" Twigg asks biligerently, obviously thinking he's just been deeply insulted in some foreign language.

"Well the technical definition is the infected hair on a elephant's behind..." I say, trailing off when I start to receive looks that make me feel like I just sprouted an extra head.

"Just ignore her," Jack advises waving me off. "I've found tha' it's th' best solution if you want to maintain your sanity."

"So, Jack's got some girlies to play with," Twigg says, his eyes burning with desire.

"You want them? You can have them, mate. Beleive me by this time tommarow you'll be beggin that I take them back," Jack scoffs. My mouth drops open at Jack's audacity.

Twigg's eyes light up with christmas joy, but Koehler has other ideas, thankfully.

"Twigg lets go...we have other business to attend to." Koehler grabs Twigg's arm, who reluctantly follows him back up the stairs.

"Well that was pleasant," Macy squeaks, sounding very unnerved.

"Bleh, we coulda taken them," I mumble as I sit down, feeling the fatigue from my eventful day for the first time. I try to stay awake longer, but the force of gravity pulling on my eyelids becomes to strong and my vision swirls into darkness.

* * *

The morning sun streams through the cell window, caressing my skin with pleasant warm kisses until my eye's reluctantly flutter open. A pitiful groan escapes my lips as I prop myself up on an elbow and look around the cell. The floor is littered with dirt, hay, and sleeping bodies. All but two, that is. Jack is hard at work trying to pick the lock with his widled bone, obviously not taking our advice to heart. That dosn't surprise me. What does surprise me is Laura, who is sitting up unnaturally straight and diligently facing the bars with the enthusiasm of a hyper active 6 year old who just discovered the wonders of Mountain Dew. I scramble towards Jack, careful as to not wake anyone. 

"Is she ok?" I whisper harshly while casting worried glances at Laura.

"Dunno. Was up before me. Hasn't said a word," Jack says, not even pausing from his work to see who I'm talking about. I expel a giant sigh from my chest and then stumble to Laura.

"Laura," I call out, my voice still groggy with sleep. "What are you doing?!" Her head slowly turns in a smooth quarter circle that almost convinces me that it will keep going to complete a 360 degree circle like the girl in the exsorcists. Fortunately, her head stops at me, assuring me that my friend is not posessed by Satan, just naturally crazy.

"Will is coming," She whispers. Her voice is monotone and filled with obsession that therapists whould deem unhealthy. The Laura before me is a 180 degree difference from the rational, fun, nonviolent Laura that usually occupies the position as my best friend. This side of Laura is the side that I fondly call Psycho Laura. Psycho Laura should be considered dangerous and is prone to destructive/overexcited behavior at anytime that the subject of Will Turner/Orlando Bloom arises. For these reasons I proceed to approach her with caution.

"Laura," I say calmly. "Why don't you go and take a nap," I coax. Laura shakes her head wildly.

"You of all people should understand," She starts, her voice getting louder. "You know...your thing for Jac-"

"JACKETS!" I yell cutting her off. "For _jackets, _right Laura?" I say, laughing nervously through my frighteningly forced smile. Laura looks at me quizzically and is about to say something, but is cut off by the well anticipated sound of very familiar footsteps coming down the stairs. Jack instantly throws himself onto the ground feigning sleep while Laura looks as if she is about to feint from excitement. The footsteps get louder and lo and behold, Will Turner steps into view. I must say that even though I have a strict prejudice against men prettier than myself, I find a goofy grin spreading across my face. Laura is beyond help so I'm not even going to attempt to describe her reactions.

"You! Sparrow!"

"Aye?" Jack answers, rising from his pretend sleep.

"You are familiar with the ship, The Black Pearl?" Will questions eagerly.

"I've heard of it." Pfft. Thats an understatement. More like you were once captain and were mutinied against by the crew of the Pearl and now hold a life long mission of acheiving revenge on the mutinous captain and will therefore engage in a series of swordfights, neogtiations, and fraternizing with cursed skeletel creatures. Yep, that would be more accurate.

"Where does it make berth?" Will demands, his jaw set in determination. I see Laura's body out of the corner of my eye start to sway between conciousness and unconciousness, so I jab her arm with my elbow.

"Where does it make berth?" Jack says with an incredulous look. "Have you not heard the stories? Captain Barbossa and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta. It's an island that can not be found except by those who already know where it is."

"The ship's real enough, therefore the anchorage must be a real place. Where is it?"

"Why ask me?" Jack says coyly.

"Because you're a pirate!" Will retorts.

"And you want to turn pirate yourself. Is that it?"

"Never! They took Miss Swan." Laura twists her face in disgusts and makes the gagging sign with her finger.

"So it is that you've found a girl. I see. Well if you're intending to brave all, hasten to her rescue and so win fair lady's heart, you'll have to do it alone mate, I see no profit in it for me," Jack says stubbornly

"I can get you out of here," Will points out. I notice that the well being of the four females occupying this cell as well is not mentioned.

"How's that? The key's run off," Jack says with resentment.

"I helped build these cells. These are half-pin barral hinges. With the right amount of leverage and the proper application of strength , the door will lift free."

"What's your name?" Jack says, now intrigued by the mysterious man.

"Will Turner."

"That will be short for William Turner I imagine, good strong name, no doubt, named for your father, eh?"

"...yes." Will says tentively after a long pause.

"Uh-Huh...well Mr. Turner I change my mind. If you spring me from this cell I swear on the pain of death that I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonny lass. Do we have an accord?"

"Agreed." Will confirms shaking Jack's hand.

"Okay now get me out." I clear my throat none to subtlely, causing Jack to roll his eyes. "And them too I suppose."

"Thank ya Jack!" I say delightedly as I get up and walk toward's the two lazy bums still asleep. "Wake up sleeping beauties!" I say shaking Nikki's limp shoulders, "Were bustin outa this joint!"


	5. Commandeering a Ship For Dummies

**Disclaimer: You know the drill--I remind myself that I am no where near owning the characters of pirates of the caribbean, there by pulling myself into a temporary deppressive state. Then I spy something shiny, and my short attention span allows me to be happy again. wooo**

**A/N: WOW. Sorry for the delay. Actually delay is sort of an understatement. Sorry for the long period of time where I was too lazy to type up another chapter, there by causing the suffering of my reviewers. Well it wasn't _all_ me just being lazy, I had alot of school work to catch up on too, so don't be too mad at me! Oh and VeriCo2307, I hope you like this chappie and decide to spare your life:)**

Chapter Five: Commandeering a Ship For Dummies

"Were going to steal the ship, _that _ship?" Will asks bewilderedly, indicating with the nod of his head the Dauntless floating calmly in harbor.

"_Commandeer._" Jack enuciates as if addressing a small child. Or a retarted blacksmith. "Were going to commandeer the ship. Nautical term. One question about your business boy, or else there's no use going. This girl...how far are you willing to go t'save her?"

Will clenches his jaw and says with steely conviction, "I'd die for her."

And it was here where I performed the biggest eye roll of my life--so much that the horizon started to tilt, and I had to steady myself.

"Oh good, no worries then," Jack quips lightheartedly.

Minutes pass and we are making our way down to the beach when Will whispers to Jack "Why does she keep staring at me?", after shooting an alarmed glance over his shoulder. Laura, in response, turns her head brusquely; not too fast, but fast enough to raise eyebrows and suspicions. Nonchalance was never her forte.

"Dunno, prolly 'as a thing for eunuchs," Jack replys absently.

"Ooo is it true you have a nice singing voice?" I cut in. You have no idea how many countless fantasies I've had of me and Will singing various show tunes together in matching sequin jumpsuits on our own variety show. "I dunno if that comes with the whole eunuch thing or if you were born with the voice of a God or--"

"I am not a eunuch!!" Will explodes, causing bustling market activity around us to cease immediately. Apparently inconspicousness is not one of Will's strong points either. But I guess when you roll with a group consisting of a flamboyant most wanted pirate, a blacksmith that looks like he could be the next Calvin Klein underwear model, and four hyperactive girls in men's wear, blending in is not an option.

"Err..and that is an excerpt from the play...uh...'The Man Who Was Not A Eunuch'. Coming this fall to an Elizabethan Theatre near you," Laura announces to the curious populace, trying to save Will's reputation. This is a fruitless attempt for in my opinion his rep is beyond saving, compliments of Jack/Will/Norrington/Barbossa/Davey Jones fics that involve cat woman like suits, bavarian cupcakes, satin sheets, and wooden paddles. That is as much discription as I am giving, so use your own imaginations.

For the first time ever, Will looks at Laura without an expression of total fear. Infact, there is a smile playing on his face.

"I'm sorry, we havn't all been properly introduced," Will, ever the proper gentlemen, says.

Jack smacks his head irritably and grunts, "Will, Charlie...Charlie, Will,"

I start to say something polite towards Will (and beleive me this will never happen again), but Jack's rushed intros move to fast.

"Will, Macy...Macy, Will.Will, Lola--"

"LAURA!"

"Ahh alright! Will ye calm down woman?! Will, _Laura_...Laura, Will. Will, Nikki...Nikki, Will. THERE!" Jack declares, taking in a long overdue breath. "Well, now that were all introduced, you can say your bloody dear good-byes to them 'cause they ain't comin' with us."

"Oh ho yes we are!" I cry, a little caught off guard. It never occured to me that Jack may not let us go with him and Will. What would we do if we were left behind? Prostitue ourselves? Work as barmaids? Create democracy? Introduce the most heinous crime against fashion, A.K.A, the scrunchie, so that the same mistake won't be repeated in the eighties?

"I got you out of tha' jail, that should be enough for you!" Jack hollars frantically, one might even say desperately. Sheesh I didn't know we were _that_ annoying.

"Actually it was I who got them out of the jail--"

"We have to come with you!" I am nose to nose now with Jack, a normally pleasant situation if murderous thoughts weren't swirling through my head.

"Well you arn't and thats final!!!"

-----------------

"I can't beleive they're comin' with us."

"What was that sweet pea?" I shout through the boat underneath me.

"Charlie be nice!" Nikki chides, splashing water on my face. Nikki and I are sitting lackadaisically ontop of the boat while Laura and Macy walk underneath with Will and Jack.

It wasn't easy getting Jack to finally surrender and permit us to join him and Will on the journey. Alot of yelling was involved, along with a bouquet of threats involving me chasing after Jack with a 'p' shaped hot iron and stealing his makeup, which he insisted was not _makeup_, but a very macho version of eyeliner.

"This is either madness or brilliance," Will's booming voice remarks. I swear, I can practically hear Laura swooning.

Laying my ear upon the smooth wood, I mouth along with Jack one of my favorite lines in the movie, "It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide."

When I sit back up with a cheesy grin plastered on my face, I find Nikki staring blankly at me with raised eyebrows.

"Have I ever told you that you are truly a dork?"

"Says the girl who names her big toe."

"Do not mock Carla."

I have a response formed in my mouth, when something in the water catches my eye. "Ooo Will, watch out for the--"

_Crack_

"...lobster cage."

Soon we have the long boat pulled alongside the towering Dauntless.

After a short climb we clamor on board to find the crew in the midst of unproductive activity and very much not on duty. It seems that not only can the Navy not swim, but they also all suffer from attention defficient dissorder.

Jack whips out his pistol and announces very professionally to the less than frantic crew, "Everyone stay calm we're taking over the ship!"

"Aye avast!" Will orders, following suit with a sword raised menacingly.

Not wanting to feel left out, the rest of us commence to "yarr" and "arrr" while posing in very Charlie's Angelsesque fashion--kung fu hands and all. If there were theme music playing, I predict this would be where it would stop in an abrupt record scratch.

There is a moment of stunned silence interuppted by a cough from an unseen fellow, before the whole crew errupts in raucous laughter.

Jack shoots me an annoyed glare. "Was all tha' completely nessesary??"

"Oh sure and 'aye avast' had them shaking in their disturbingly tight pants!" I snap, appalled at being singularly blamed for the malfunction in our intimidation factor.

"Don't make fun of Will! He's _already_ the butt of ninety percent of the jokes in this movie!" Laura cries in Will's defence while approaching him with outstretched arms. She has obviously steped to far into Will's comfort zone for he backs away warily, looking a little frightened at the fastly closing space between him and and the creepy girl.

Jack's non-existent patience is wearing thin. "Charlie, can ye please call off your friend, she's scarin' the eunuch! Honestly, I run a proffesional establishment 'round here and I can't have any blacksmith's bein' raped t'day."

"Why? Does it look bad when the IRS comes around asking questions?"

"What's the IRS?"

"Nevermind."

"ENOUGH!!" Gillette's outburst has tethered me back to reality, which is the fact that we are in the midst of commandeering a ship, and the crew of the Dauntless is gawking at us. "This ship cannot be crewed by two men and four gender confused girls, you'll never make it out of the bay,"

Pointing the pistol in Gillette's face, Jack cocks the hammer lazily and drawls with cocky self-assurance, "Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow...savvy?"

"YA!" Nikki baits, shifting hesitantly in her spot. "And...and you have weird hair!"

Macy scoffs--a very unmacy act.

"What? He called us gender confused!"

----------------

I watch the distancing longboat filled with blundering sailors with immense satisfaction from my little perch by the rail. Won't make it out of the bay they say? Well, we'll see about that. And I'm not gender confused. Stupid Gillette and his little tight pants, what does he kno--

"There coming!" Will informs us after noting the approaching interceptor.

"You know, I think I'm gonna stay," Nikki tells me offhandedly while she buffs her nails with her manicure thingy like there's nothing outstanding about what just came out of her mouth.

"WHAT?!" I hiss my head whipping around at amazing speeds.

"Ya," Nikki continues, not looking up from her nails to notice my flabbergasted state. "I mean Laura's obviously gonna hook up with Will, and Macy with Norrington, and Jack really isn't my taste, so who does that leave me with? I think I'll just stay and be with that Lieutenant Groves guy...yea hes pretty cute doncha think?"

"Nikki you _have_ to come! It won't be the same without you, and..." I trail off worried that Nikki will get left behind when something she said hits me like a big yellow bus. "Hey...why didn't you pair me and Jack off??"

Nikki pauses from her nails to look up at me with a forced innocent look. "I-well...I mean...you guys havn't exactly...um...bonded well."

I close my gaping mouth and say indignantly, "Well, this sorta thing takes time you know??"

"Sure, sure," Nikki chuckles, resuming with her nails even though they are buffed to perfection.

"Ready?" Will asks, popping out of nowhere and there by almost giving me cardiac arrest.

"For wha--" Nikki starts sheathing her manicure thingy into her pocket. She never finishes for Will gathers us in his strong arms while also miraculously maintaining the rope in a firm grip.

"Hang on tight!" He dosn't have to ask again. Nikki and I immediately scramble frantically to grab onto anything solid and in our reach with a painful grip of death. Jumping onto the rail with both of us clutched tightly to his chest, Will steps off the ledge propelling us through the air in a heart stopping experience that ends with an ungraceful (at least on me and Nikki's part) plop onto the deck of the Interceptor.

I am laying on the deck trying to recover from my near death expereince when there is a second thud a few feet from where I am that sends Laura and Macy rolling into me.

"That was amazing," Macy breathes, pushing her glasses back up on the bridge of her nose. I can't help but thinking if she mean't the swinging through the air part, or the fact that she was in close capacity with Jack.

"Sailors! Back to the Interceptor, now!!" Norrington hollars from the Dauntless, his anguished voice echoing around us.

Jack brushes off his clothes and shouts back, "Thank you commodore, for getting us ready to make way. We couldn't have done it without you!"

Talk about throwing salt on the wound.

The Dauntless responds with bullets that are fired harmessly awry, thanks to the Navy's poor aim.

They will then be ordered to fire on us with cannons, a problem solved by Jack's corrupting of the rudder chain. With this information I sigh contently with my back on the rail, feeling happier than I've ever felt. And so the adventure begins.


	6. The Buoyancy of Blacksmiths

**Disclaimer: All characters and dialogue from POTC do not belong to me. **

A/N: I know I said that updates before early March were VERY UNLIKELY, but I finished my project early, and decided to celebrate by whipping up a short little chapter, even though I promised myself that I would be taking a break from anything POTC related after a incident involving exploding ink on my palm and me shouting "the black spot! It's the black spot!". Oh well, so much for that. I'll start worrying when I find myself in the waiting room of a crummy tattoo parlor, minutes away from getting Mrs. Jack Sparrow tattoed upon my arm. Until then, enjoy!

Chapter 6: The Buoyancy of Blacksmiths

Note to self #578923: Remember to bring some source of entertainment the next time I am spontaneously sucked into a movie that involves long boat rides and zero technology.

In an attempt to rescue myself from insanity induced by severe boredem, I did all of the following on the list that I comprised to keep myself amused.

1. Sing dirty rap songs that involve questionable activities with numerous woman out loud. Watch Will's reaction. Laugh when his ears turn beat red.  
2. Work on my pirate lingo. Ignore Jack's desperate pleas for me to stop.  
3. Look for undead monkey. Remember he's not here yet. Frown.  
4. Stare at Jack.  
5. Monitor Laura so that she dosn't corner Will in any dark secluded spaces.  
6. Stare at Jack.  
7. Reenact a future scene from the movie...in mime...  
8. Stare at Jack. This time, inform him that his hair looks like it was attacked by a satanic Twist-A-Braid. In a sexy way of course.

In fact, it was in the midst of one of my abundant Jack staring sessions, when Will suddenly spoke from his spot by the rail, where he had been sitting, diligently sharpening his sword.

"When I was a lad living in England, my mother raised me by herself. After she died, I came out here, looking for my father."

"Is that so..." Jack comments casually, his voice not betraying any piqued interest.

Irritated by Jack's aloofness, Will sets down his sword and continues with more persistance, "My father, Will Turner. At the jail, it was only after you learned my name that you agreed to help. Since thats what I wanted, I didn't press the matter. I'm no simpleton Jack, you knew my father."

There is a moment of silence before Jack reluctantly resigns the charade and admits, "I knew 'im. Probably one the few who knew him as William Turner. Everyone else jus' called him Bootstrap, or Bootstrap Bill."

"Whats going on?" Macy whispers joining me, along with Laura and Nikki.

"Oh good you're all just in time to witness the dangling of the whelp!" I say gleefully, referring to Will's upcoming incident, like it is an event that rivals the running of the bulls.

"Bootstrap?" Will echoes, momentarily thrown off guard.

"Good man. Good pirate. I swear you look just like him."

"Ohhh can you imagine two people looking like that??" Laura breathes, her eyes lit up with exitement.

Macy makes a face. "Eww Laura, its his _father_."

"It's not true, he was a merchant sailor, a good respectable man who obeyed the law!" Will grits, immersing himself into denial.

"He was a bloody pirate, a scallywag," Jack insists, looking mildly annoyed.

"My father was not a pirate!" Will growls, unsheathing his sword to further his statement.

Jack dosn't react to the threat and merely says in a cool demeanor, "Put it away son, it's not worth you getting beat again."

"You didn't beat me, you ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight I'd killed you!"

"Thats not much incentive for me to fight fair then, is it?" Jack replys, spinning the helm so that a sail careens around sharply, catching Will in the stomach and pushing him over the sea.

I study Will's struggling form and lament thoughtfully, "Hmmm I wonder if that's making his pants ride up his--"

"Now as long as your just hanging there, pay attention," Jack orders. "The only rules that matter are these--what a man can do, and what a man can't. For instance, ye can accept tha' your father was a pirate, or you can't. But pirate is in your blood boy, and you'll have t'square with tha' one day. Now me for example. I can let you drown, but I can't sail into Tortuga with just these wenches, for doing so would mean certain damage to the ship and my mental health."

"Hardy har, very funny," Laura snorts.

Jack swings the sail back over the deck. Will plops onto the hardwood, breathing heavily from his strenuous episode.

"So can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?" Jack questions, offering Will back his sword.

Will stares at the hilt for a moment, cotemplating his descision. Finally he takes hold of the peace token, and says hesitantly, "Tortuga?"

"Tortuga."  
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